Personal Essay
As I saw yet another contestant walk through the door without the portentous ticket, my perspiring hands gripped my chair in search of affirmation. Would I soon bear that same defeated and dejected face? Or worse, would the defeat confirm the qualms of all those, including myself, who wondered if I was or wasn’t good enough? I decided to picture success. I envisioned my fame as the future winner of the X Factor, sparks flying behind me at a concert, my spread on fashion against AIDS in Vanity Fair. The fateful voice whispered, “10522, you’re up!” I entered and stood on the jagged, taped X in the middle of the room, looking into the abyss of judging eyes. I heard “Ready, camera, action.”
Risk. Seizing the chance to be wrong or right. Throughout my adolescence, I’ve had to conquer the daunting task of accepting the possibility of failure, taking risks. On the grape purple walls of my room hangs the quote, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I cannot always achieve perfection, but I can strive for it, finding serenity in learning from my imperfections. Life’s many lessons have taught me the importance of moving on and having the “courage to change the things I can,” rather than be hindered by the past’s problems.
I vividly remember the day when my grandmother, my sister, and I idyllically sat overlooking the Puget Sound, tinted gold by the fading sunset. Often had I heard the story of my great-grandfather, Ramon Pelaez, a man who spoke out for his beliefs, and was exiled by the Bolivian government as a result.He went to Chile where he wrote about his country, and dreamt of a better, freer life for his family. Following this dream, he took my family across oceans to be the first twelve Bolivian immigrants in Seattle, where he pioneered a restaurant in Pike Place Market which still stands today. My great-grandfather’s story has been a torch for me in times of darkness, a symbol of facing consequences for sticking up for what you believe in. He braved a journey across continents for a better life for his family, as I have journeyed across countries and continents with mine. Moving to Luxembourg was an enormous risk for my family; moving anywhere involves tribulations aplenty, let alone moving to another country. People asked me if I was happy or scared to be moving. I told them it was daunting to think about the miles between me and what I knew, yet I was so excited to start bridging the gap between who I am and who I want to become, a diverse, intelligent, and caring citizen of the world.
Without taking risks and trying new experiences, we would be forever trapped in a world of what little we know. It’s important to plan and be safe, but it’s also important to realize that it’s impossible to control everything and it’s better to live and learn rather than inhibit yourself with fear. Every day I push myself to take risks and work hard to “change the things I can,” believing my great-grandfather would be proud. I may not have won that day at X Factor try-outs, but I stood on that stage with no apologies, and walked away with no regrets.
